First off I must make one correction ... Michael has yet to ruin my day, or spoil my mood. I'm perfectly capable of doing that to myself and too stubborn to let anyone else take the credit in doing so!
It was an emotional roller coaster kind of day though, most definitely. Spending the day shopping with my mom was as enjoyable as it was necessary for my own well being right now. Getting this nursery together has in a sense become like Michael's job hunt ... seemingly unattainable. Progress has been made in both aspects, however neither yet fully complete. As always, I was excited to come home to Michael (no matter what his mood), and today especially anxious to share all the marvelous blue and green nursery gems my mother and I had found! He seemed to like most all of it, and after a few moments of chit chat and snuggle, I convinced him to put up the new curtains we had bought. He suggested we look for an alternative way to hang the curtains though (from the ceiling I envisioned), so we took a quick trip to Home Depot. We chatted more in depth on the way there ... each day becoming ever more honest and blunt in our communication.
We came out of Home Depot empty handed and my physical fatigue from a long day of shopping crept into my emotions and the tears were becoming ever more difficult to hold back. Ultimately it came down to, "missing my mommy", feeling like Mike with his frustrations in the job search (only mine with the nursery), and again having the overwhelming feeling of missing my finely toned tummy (fearing the possibility of never having sex appeal again)! Had I not been so tired, and Mike not been so openly vulnerable in sharing his feelings, I might well have let all these little things slide as I do at times when they manage to creep back into my mind. Today it just all piled up though, and felt right to let my guard down. Strangely enough it was a comfort to have Michael admit to his sour feelings and the fact that he wallowed in them most of the day ... stepping in the nice warm bath water of wallow was exactly what I needed too I guess!
So don't let him fool you by saying he took all of his frustrations out on me, 'cause he never has, and will be shocked if he ever does. We are still in the getting-to-know-each-other phase of our relationship, but I continue to love what I discover in Michael. And today I found more than ever, that if we're both down, it's okay to stay there for a bit, commiserate, and finally rally each other back to our feet! It's so refreshing to have someone who works with you as opposed to against you, and even if they don't perceive the world the same way, can understand how you might. Uh oh, full of tears again ... damn hormones!
I think it's time for bed!
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