Pup & Ben, Part 2

A week or so later Katie was back. I hadn't expected to see her, so it was quite a great surprise to see her smiling, bright face peering over the register at me. I was behind the counter, kneeling down and probably looking for something obscure like envelopes for gift cards, or packets of honey, or sandwich bags. Or I was cleaning the floor or something else. At any rate, I heard her voice, and looked up so see her smiling down at me, saying, "I just wanted to thank you more properly for bringing me that drink last week..." I smiled back, dropped a line to the effect of, "Has anyone ever told you you have a beautiful smile?", and stood up.

She was eye-to-eye with me.

Maybe I confessed my surprise by saying something like, "Wow, you're tall!" (As opposed to to the slightly more premeditated compliment I'd given her just a moment before.)

I don't recall asking, but she did go on to explain that she'd been engaged in a very intense discussion--she'd been breaking up with her boyfriend, and couldn't really spare attention for anything else. Now, I'm not the subtlest guy on earth. In fact, I'm pretty obtuse and careless at times. But I could understand this much: a beautiful woman was smiling at me and talking about her her ex-boyfriend.

Some small part of me wanted to react with an "awwww, that's too bad," kind of sympathy, but let's be real here. I cheered inside when she said that. I knew it was only a matter of time when we'd at least go on a date--at least that much.

She actually ordered a drink this time, sat down at the same table, with her white Macintosh, and set herself back to work. The shop was busier than the week before, so I didn't have an opportunity to go bug her again, so she simply left later with a friendly wave goodbye. I hadn't wanted to press too hard by asking her out that same day, but my mind was made up: I would meet her again and get that date.

F Word Frenzy ...

First of all, women should be able to add pregnancy to their resumes. Instead it's just something expected of us while the men are off at work gaining more experience to add to theirs ... Now, I'm no feminist but, geez!

I'll preface the rest of this whine session by acknowledging the fact that plenty of people certainly have it worse, a LOT worse ... Doesn't make things much shinier through my eyes at this point though.

Fatter now than I've ever been. Feet swollen to the point that the only shoes that fit are CROCS (I'd honestly rather walk on hot coal than wear these things).

Forcing myself to consume water in hope of counter acting this obvious water retention problem. Feeling so lonely despite being surround by family and having a little one growing inside. Frustrated that I can't be out in Alaska enjoying some guy's left over beer with my man ...

Finished.

Pup & Ben, Part 1

Hello there...Mike here. Katie's still alive, as you can see, since she actually posted something last night (it reads Wednesday because that's when she started, and it took her three nights' steady working to finish it). She composes very slowly, something I understand because so do I. I write very quickly, at first, but the product is generally wretched. So I rewrite it, several times, and that consumes time. One of my favorite quotes is from Steinbeck, and I'm paraphrasing here, but it's pretty close: "I am an average writer, but I am one of the world's greatest rewriters."

Now that's a statement I can appreciate.

A good friend of mine, Elin, whom I met through ballroom dance nearly ten years ago (you meet lots of Russians and Ukrainians in ballroom), has pressed me for details on how Kate and I met, and further, that I should post those details on the blog. Sounds like a good idea to me, so here goes. This first installment is actually the text of an e-mail I sent Elin, at which point she urged me just to post it. So in the upcoming several weeks, while I'm out in Alaska and not otherwise occupied, I'll be composing chapters of my story with Katie.

One quick note, on the title: Pup & Ben. Our devoted millions of readers (or thereabouts, the numbers are a little vague) no doubt know all about our nicknames for each other. But for those few who might need introduction, I'll give you some background--maybe a little more than you need. I'm not religious. I consider superstitious and mythological traditions to be mind games. At times grand, inspiring and profound; at times amusing and mildly interesting; at times annoying and childish; at times horrifying; but mind games nevertheless. (And as humans, to a large degree we need the mind games, because life can be a pretty uncertain and frightening experience. But enough of that.) Astrology falls into the "amusing and mildly interesting" category, not only the twelve-phase planetary houses of the west, but the Chinese system of years.

So...according to the Chinese, I was born in the year of the dog, and Katie, the year of the tiger. Each animal has traits. The dog is loyal, protective, and intolerant of weakness. The tiger is solitary, fierce, and cunning. (I've never met anyone more forthright than Katie, but maybe I'm a little more gullible than I realize...) So last fall, I cast about for a fun nickname to give her, and decided on Bengal. She responded in kind and dubbed me Pup. One day while browsing through some of her digital photos of us, I saw a folder titled, "Pup & Ben", and liked it a lot. So, that's the name of my little history of us: how we met, how we courted, and how we wound up where we are now.

So...that intro is longer than the first actual entry will be, but so what? I won't need to repeat it. Here's chapter 1 of my account, of how Pup & Ben came to be a couple, and then a family...

We met last September (2008)--actually, we've worked out that it was September 6. I was working in Starbucks--already having trouble finding full-time work, so I sucked up my pride, and worked with 18-to-22-year-olds selling coffee to sometimes haughty customers. Katie showed up one Saturday night, by herself, looking very cute and very focused on her computer, by the front window of the store. It was a slow night, as Saturdays could be. (Saturdays tend either to be madhouses or dead. Not really anything in between.)

She was pretty gorgeous, and very intently working at her computer, so I decided to spy on her. I grabbed a broom, walked behind her, and pretended to sweep, while I eavesdropped. She was carrying on an intense sign-language conversation with a man on the computer screen, via webcam. I had no idea who the guy was--he was dark, bearded, and looked vaguely criminal to me--but I was thoroughly impressed with her. I'd heard this woman talking on her phone, so I knew she wasn't deaf, but she was fluent in sign...it seemed to me that the only hearing people who learn sign language, are those with a strong sense of empathy.

So without saying a word to each other, I knew I liked her a lot.After a half hour she hadn't ordered anything, and I was wiping down the counter for the third time when I decided to abuse my privilege as a barista (as we're called), and bring her a free drink. (We're allowed to make them for ourselves, but not give them to customers. But baristas give them to cute customers they like all the time.) So I made her a frozen flavored cream drink, a Frappuccino.

I wasn't sure she liked coffee (most of the flavors are coffee-based), so I brought her what girls usually ordered--strawberries & cream. She didn't betray the fact that, as she told me later, she doesn't like strawberries--at all. Instead, she smiled very sweetly at me, said thank you (and also signed it, though I didn't recognize the sign), and turned back to her intense conversation over the webcam.

Twenty minutes later she packed up, took her drink and walked out.

Eh, easy come, easy go, I thought. Though she might be back...(and as it turned out, she would indeed be back...)

Turn, turn, turn ...

First of all, my apologies to those regular readers for the lack of posts lately. It hasn't been due to the lack of excitement that's for sure! In fact, the Sutherland house hold has been experiencing quite a few changes as of late and I'm happy to have finally found a spare moment with some extra energy to share them with you.

As most of you know I had been waiting since early spring to find out if the Rhode Island School for the Deaf's Summer Work Experience Program was actually going to take place this summer or not, as I had been asked to be a job coach for some of the upcoming seniors. Well, the program is up and running as planned and has obviously been taking up much of my time lately ... not to mention my energy! I'm delighted to be a part of such a valuable program though and despite it being a bit difficult to get out of bed some mornings I never dread going in to work with these eager young minds! The program is designed so that the students get a taste of several different jobs in order to gain a better sense of what they might like to do in the future, in addition to giving them an opportunity to "practice" working before actually going out into the work force on their own. Now before the students began working we (the three job coaches, Cynthia, Jodie, and I) started off with a full week of orientation that covered all the basics of how to go about getting a job, how to keep it, manage your wages, and most importantly, what not to do in the work place. Needless to say It turned out to be a pretty intense reality check for most of the students! For the past two weeks, Monday through Thursday, my group (Adam, Electra, Jake, and Joe) has been working in Providence at the Department of Administration, each of them experiencing two days in the cafeteria, daycare, mail room, and the Commission of the Deaf and Hard of Hearing. (Fridays are reserved for field trips to different locations that the students have expressed personal interest in.) This coming week will be a bit of a treat for me, as my students will all be attending NTID's Explore Your Future program up in Rochester, which means I get the whole week off! (A much needed vacation too I might add!) The following week we will be working at Miriam Hospital performing various tasks in the kitchen including, making meals for the patients, washing dishes, etc. The last two weeks of the program we'll be working at two different farms, where the students will weed, compost, collect eggs, clean, and learn a little bit about agriculture. I must say, I'm most excited about these last three weeks of having these kids experience some actual manual labor (which most first time jobs usually are)! Right now they mostly express boredom working in the lovely air conditioned government run building. I've been trying to impress upon them that it's actually a great thing to be able to land such a (office-type) job where you get paid for just being there. I emphasize the importance of taking initiative and checking to see if the boss has any projects to be worked on of course ... however if there really is a lot of down time, to be thankful for it because the clock doesn't stop ticking until you punch out at the end of the day! Somethings you just can't appreciate until they're gone though. It will be interesting to see if the students wind up enjoying the manual labor as opposed to the office work ... but I wouldn't put money on it!

The students with Judge Darigan during a field trip to the Superior Court!

The students taking pointers from a former classmate who is now working as a web designer at AAA, and will be attending NTID this fall!

Yet another big change around here has been the completion of the nursery, and a new bed for the parents to be ... sleep will soon be of the utmost importance after all! After 4 months of rearranging, cleaning, hunting down furniture, and then incorporating our own creativity into our under water fantasy land, little EJ's room is finally finished! Oddly enough once the finishing touches had been added, reality suddenly hit full force! Over the past few months the different projects Michael and I have tackled in pulling this room together occupied our thoughts much more than we realized, and now with no more projects left to be done, the only thing left to do is wait, wait for the one whom which we made this tiny sanctuary for. I found it strange to all of a sudden feel overwhelmed when I had expected to have feelings of relief once the nursery was complete ... I've been carrying now for 31 weeks, heard the heart beat, seen the ultrasound images, and felt the wriggling inside me, but none of that seemed more real than the completion of this room devoted entirely to another person who we've yet to meet. I let the rush of nerves and excitement get the better of me for a day or so until the reality of it all at last sunk in. Now I'm just filled with gratefulness ... I walk back and forth between the nursery and our room (with our luxurious bed) and am in awe of much life has changed in less than a year. Although money has been somewhat tight this spring, I have honestly never been happier! I have a man in my life who understands me without my even saying a word, and loves me just as I am, a baby on the way as a result of that love, and a beautiful little home that weaves us all tightly together!

A few glimpses of our handy work ... More on Facebook if you're interested!

That said, realistically we cannot survive on love alone and in Michael's pursuit of finding a new job he has at long last landed a significant position ... in of all places, Alaska!

Mike and I before going out to celebrate his upcoming adventure ... and the great dress he bought me JUST BECAUSE!

He leaves this Sunday and although we've been apart before for extended periods, we have not been away from each other for more than a night since our wedding in March. Life for us has changed drastically for us in the past six months and seeing him off this time around will be ten times as difficult as it was before when we were just dating. In addition to producing an income, this job opportunity will be an irreplaceable experience for him as well as a great asset to his future career goals. With that in mind my dread of missing him, and fear of possibly being without him during labor is drowned by my excitement for him to advance as a scientist and grow as a man!

So, move over Sarah Palin my liberal, geologist husband is coming to town!!! ... Who knows, perhaps little EJ and I will be next!

But for now, this pregnant lady needs to get to sleep because she tried to be super woman today and has simply run out of steam ... so goodnight, sleep tight, and hopefully it won't be another month before I share my thoughts with you all again!

The Butt

You know how cats will sometimes sit down with their rear end facing you, looking away in the opposite direction, and it seems like a feline middle finger?

Well, I've been thinking about it.

Cats like to feel secure. They like to sleep with their backs to the wall, or in a bag, or in a box. They like not needing to worry about what's behind them. So if a cat sits or lies down with his buttocks toward you, then it's really a statement of great trust.

Yeah, right.

Stray Kitties

Now Katie is a very self-dependent woman (anything less would disgust me). So when I make a comparison, to make a point (as well as a bit of humor), I need to be careful not to press the comparison, or the joke, too far. So with that caveat...

I've caught myself a couple of stray kitties.

Jasper came along first, of course, in September of 2006, care of my friend Martha. Martha and I had met through ballroom dance, ocasionally enjoying a waltz together, and then becoming very close friends during the winter of 2005, when I was in New Hampshire taking care of my mother, and returning to Rhode Island on odd weekends to water my plants, see friends and get in a little dancing. Martha lives with her mother, along with the mother's four cats, all females.

So Jasper came along, escaping a dog- and child-ridden home where he found no refuge. Very endearingly and very intelligently he auditioned for a place in Martha's home: sleeping on the doormat on the porch, rubbing charmingly against their shins, even presenting himself to have the medicine pills which the females refused. Oh, in addition to trying to hump the four cats, and spraying all over the place. So Martha's mother had him neutered. Yeah, I'm sure he was thankful for that.

Still, he kept showing up, but the year was getting on, and the two women worried that Jasper would face the fall and winter alone. So Martha called me.

It took me about ten seconds or so to decide I liked him, and a week later he was in my condo, slinking around, crying piteously from disorientation. The first night he spent curled up right next to my head--the only night he's spent continuously with me on the bed. (I moved around too much, I think, but these days with Katie it's just too crowded. Now he's more prone to show up in the morning to wake me up, like today when he lay down on my back and began kneading my buttocks. With his claws.)

Anyway, Jasper's mannerisms were often pitiable during his first six months with me. If I were up in my office--as I often was, no longer at school, having quit the GSO that fall in frustration--he'd begin crying if I weren't with him. I'd call his name, and about fifteen seconds later he would quietly walk in and settle himelf nearby, lying down with his eyes on me. If I ever picked Jasper up--something he was a bit unwilling to accept at first--he would cling to me, not even with the annoyed "I'm-comfortable-don't-put-me-down" demeanor of cats. No: Jasper would fight to stay with me, clutching with his claws, ears rolling back and eyes wide with panic, as if to be put down was to be abandoned and left alone again. When was desperation ever more lovable?

We created a few customary habits with each other--Jasper has developed specific relationships with several different people--but the first, aside from just feeding him or playing at night, was that I would come home, and he'd come walking up to the door. I would pick him up, place him on my right shoulder (if I put him on my left now, he'll squirm and actively fight to move to the right), cradle him in my right arm and then scratch his head and neck with my left hand, as I turned on the lights. After a week or so of doing this, I realized that my shoulder had a small wet patch afterward: Jasper was drooling. That's what he does, in moments of pure, abandoned bliss, I guess. It's so disgusting that it's charming too.

Jasper still retains traces of being homeless and alone. He has a very inquiring demeanor, at times testing his footing very carefully when he wants to lie down on you. Even his call, the inquisitive "P-r-r-r-r?" feels like "May I please join you?" As if he needs to ask after three years of living here and climbing all over me (and ruining my soccer jerseys by kneading).

So that's one stray kitty.

Kate chose to join me, of course, and she wasn't brought here in a box along with litter, several cans of food and instructions for her care. (She can let me know the instructions by herself.) There are moments when I feel a bit exasperated at having to show her things, like basics of working with paint, or directions around Rhode Island and the highways. But she learns quickly, and besides, I've done lots of varied things in 38 years, including carpentry...and I've lived in RI for nearly a decade. So the frustration is short-lived, and practically invisible when I think of it alongside my satisfaction in her.

And there are moments when Katie nearly breaks my heart with the gratitude she shows over such simple and ordinary things.

Not long after I'd arrived home from Louisiana, and we hadn't yet sold the Nissan to her mother and Dave, we did a bit of furniture shopping for her: a $48 pine bureau from the Salvation Army store, which went in the bay window upstairs. (Jasper immediately claimed it as his new bed of choice, but was out of luck once Katie put her boxes and perfumes and other paraphernalia on it. Now the cat's back to the sill.)

After we'd finished putting the drawers in place, Katie dragged up her one small suitcase and began unpacking the socks and clothing from it into one or two of the drawers. I asked her if that was all she had to put in it, and she said yes, for now. The rest of her clothing was still up at Duggin's, in other suitcases. "I haven't had my own bureau to put my clothes in for over a year."

She didn't say anything specific today when we picked up the car--found a relatively cheap 4Runner, my first choice--but she doesn't need to. Just the sense of security and happiness she exudes--and her acceptance of our life together, by her continuing with it--is enough.

This weekend we went to Connecticut for a family reunion, of my mother's side (the Sunderlands). Elizabeth, my mother's older sister (I'll always know her as Aunt Beth) invited us all to her home for the holiday weekend. So Aunt Beth, Uncle Jack (the youngest of those three--my mother was the middle child) and most of us cousin-generation were there, along with a fair number of the grandkids.

Katie had met most at the time of the wedding, and we'd driven out to meet Aunt Beth specifically, since she was delivering the invocation and prayer for the ceremony. Besides, I think of Aunt Beth as the matriarch of the family, and her acceptance of Kate was important to me. Uncle Jack had given the first reading at the wedding, and impressed everybody with his rich bass voice (clearly Bops' son). Not all the cousins had been there, since we invited only those people within driving distance without huge families of their own to tend to. But with all that, Katie had already met about 2/3 of the people at the reunion, on top of all the family resemblances you'd expect. So it was hardly like walking into a room full of total strangers for her.

The women threw her a baby shower. I was in on it, and had two jobs: (1) get her there by Saturday afternoon, and (2) keep her out of the house while they were setting everything up. (1) was a snap, but I almost blew (2). She was going inside for a drink when I had to come hustling up from behind and shout, "Hey, Kate!...um...uh...Julie has, a, question for you."

Yeah, right. That was sure convincing. Thinking as quickly on my feet as ever.

So they gave her lots of baby stuff, including toys for both child and parents (I've been wanting one of those jogging strollers with the big wheels--sort of like running shoes and training pants, they just make you look more athletic, you know?). Only, we couldn't bring any of it home because we'd driven out in the Z, since I hadn't been able to get the Toyota yet (talk about toys for the parents!). Kate was amazed at the warmth and acceptance everybody showed her (though I can say that they've been waiting awhile for me to get my act together and get hitched--but they seem quite pleased with the lady I found).

Kate has a big family of her own, on both the father's and mother's sides, so she doesn't need another. But it's a good feeling, a real restorative, to find another home-like landing spot. I know how great and satisfying a relief it is to find a new home with new family. It's not like Kate's and my budding family needs a lot of reinforcement, but it's comforting also to know that she can find such reassurance in my extended clan.

Travels (Addendum)

Kate and I were driving to school yesterday morning (and she then to work after dropping me off), when she commented on my post. "What makes me feel bad," she said, "Is that I already knew what you wrote down, and I don't want to make you feel bad too for leaving."

I suppose I should get used to this, in marriage. The thinking I do, the statement I'm so proud of, she reduces to the status of, "No %&!#, Sherlock."

Note to self: can the self-congratulations.